Yeap that’s right people I openly confess to you all now, that this whole “AFTER BEING AN ADDICT, IS IT POSSIBLE TO GO BACK TO BEING A CASUAL SMOKER?
” was a big mistake to try it that so soon. To think 50 days was enough is now seeming really a bad idea & stupid, and I say this cos the fucking cravings are back! I feel like I’ve regressed and I am now back to exactly where I began …. “ALRIGHT ALRIGHT WE GET IT!”, don’t worry I’m gonna repeat the last post but I feel that this point has to be stressed a bit further cos it’s bloody important. I wont make this mistake again.
THE IDEA WAS GOOD, HOWEVER THE EXECUTION WAS FLAWED
REGARDLESS of everything the initial idea was a good one i.e. being able to moderate when I smoke! It all seemed to make sense, and fit perfectly into place for when I didn’t smoke for a long time, I enjoyed it sooo much more! So where did I go wrong? As I soon to enter the 2nd non-smoking phase this is best time to reflect what the fuck happened? Ok lets recap 1) I got high after a 50 day break 2) & i just went back to smoking weed regularly again?!? 3) I then got high pretty much the whole of that week, i.e. totally defeating the purpose of everything. The whole reason why I’m so pissed off with myself, cos as stupid as this sounds, i REALLY THOUGHT COULD DO It easier than that!…. anyway we all learn from our mistakes, so fine i’m back to the drawing board, but many questions are left unanswered. I guess.. I’ll be trying this again in the near distant future but this time when I do try it again, i’ll just have to really really have the 2nd day after the session under control. i.e. I’ll make sure that this fuck up doesn’t happen again. For I’m determined it’s possible!!! It’s got to be possible! Sure i have an addictive personality, but then really when you dig beneath the surface that’s just another way of saying undisciplined. Life is full of lots of great and wonderful things, but doing them continuously back to back is boring. I.e this problem ultimately is all mental and IN YO HEAD!! When one believes they are disciplined that person can achieve anything… I guess I’ll talk about this again later on, but for the time being I got cravings that need to be ignored. THAT FUCKING CAT CAN SIMPLY FUCK OFF!
as humans travel the worlds to enrich our minds with deep experiences but ultimately isn’t it all just chemistry & electricity inside our brains! Hence I ask what’s the difference between finding pure harmony onlooking a beautiful waterfall or taking a few toaks from a spliff passed to you by your buddy on a gloomy afternoon on quiet street corner? Quite simply, one of them would wow your friends & family on Facebook while the other option tends to lead to introvertedness and ultimately walk the plank or path of slow death. Too extreme? Now at this point I must make a distinction and clarify that I don’t believe that smoking weed is a problem, it’s the fucking addiction part that’s the problem!
back to first principles, after all what’s the need to step into the Delorean accelerate to 88 MPH to go back in time, are the answers really there? By going back there will I learn anything useful that would help me quit this addiction bringing myself in line with everyone else? Maybe…. we’ll see…