You’ve got enough left for one dube, shall you smoke it? OH GO ON – GET HIGH you deserve it you’ve been good. So you smoke it, it’s okay you can get some more tomorrow from the usual guy at the usual place. Alas arrives tomorrow and you text the usual guy and get ready to go the usual place but he takes his time to reply and as you know from experience this happens – so you remain ready. However, when he does reply the news it’s not quite what you expected “HE OUT”. Now this message is meant to be a police safe SMS, i.e. “I’m IN” meaning I got shitloads to sell as opposed to “I’m OUT” meaning very quite the opposite as the sentence suggests anyway. As you start to think about implications the choice to smoke or not has now been removed and as the reality sinks in and you’re left wanting it even more and more, so what to do. Time for the DUBEY TEST!
THE DUBEY TEST
Have you ever wondered how many people would actually be there to help if you couldn’t score some weed. Well today you could find out, by trying out the dubey test.
- Find 3 to 4 people you smoke with most often with. Preferably people you have seen in the last 14 days.
- Text them explaining that you’ve run out and that you’re looking to smoke a joint with them if possible.
- Count your replies.
RESULTS
THE LOVED
These results can be interpreted into one of many ways to mean one of many different things. It could be that all 3 / 4 people respond immediately saying “COME OVER RIGHT NOW, In fact I’ve sent an UBER round to come get you so save you the effort of driving” In which case you have the nicest friends in the world and you should remain happy that they hold you such high esteem, one day you’ll have to make the difficult choice of making one of these great men your best man or woman. LUCKY YOU as you sit there in somebody’s flat smoking copious amounts of somebody’s else weed and for a moment you feel like a kid in a candy store.
THE MEDIUM
So out went that group text and the people who you knew wouldn’t reply, didn’t, as expected, but however you hold out on some of the people as you never know what could happen – You’re still open to being surprised. Now, as expected you ones whom you didn’t expect a reply don’t and outta of the remaining you get one positive response – HURRAY!! You’re perhaps not loved but nor do you feel hated either, as there’s somebody out there who cares enough to be your beam of shining light. You go to bed singing their name, and their praise and one day when they try the dube Test on you – be sure to greet them with balloons and cake.
THE NO REPLY
Now we come to you, unfortunately yes this happened where you waited eagerly staring at your phone. Made sure the ringer was on, incase you missed their call or text and you checked the ringer further again twice more… it definitely was on. An hour went by and still nothing and now it was no longer about smoking weed with anyone but your pride and ego is under threat. Does nobody care?? REALLY?? the reality sinks once more – this was massive, you know they’ve all recieved and read the message and rather than replying being honest they’ve opted to concoct a story the following day. You go to bed feeling nothing but bitterness and spite towards these people for one day they’ll ask you for something and that day you’ll remember this one!!! and like that you cry yourself to sleep…..zZZZ
THE FOLLOWING DAY
Come the afternoon, strangely around the same time comes flooding in 2 of 4 cretans whom ignored your cry of help and now wish to EXPLAIN.
“SORRY JUST SAW THIS! I’M OFF TO THE SHOPPING MALL LATER YOU WANNA GO?”
[Translation] : I completely ignored your cry for help, and don’t really wanna talk about it – CHANGE SUBJECT – CHANGE SUBJECT – CHANGE SUBJECT
“Soz just saw this , you still wanna smoke?”
[Translation] : I also completely ignored your cry for help and don’t really wanna talk about it but I’m gonna offer you a smoke knowing most likely you’ve probably picked up but I’m gonna still try and be your saviour.
THE TRUTH
Let’s be honest with ourselves when we analyse the meanings and results of the dubey test. Firstly if you’re fast asleep and one of your junkie friends texts you asking for a hit you’d be probably just go back to sleep right? ME too, so that’s forgivable in ways if you reserve the shoe.
Time of text is a crucial variable?
I think it’s appreciated that sending out emergency texts thirteenth hour could test any solid friendship. Certainly a valid argument however alas this article is sadly a true story. Why? sadly I hear you ponder (or not, but i’ll tell you anyway) Well my results weren’t terrible fortunately for I wasn’t in the “no friends” band. Out of my 3 peeps in the test I got one positive response which was slightly unfair conditions as my forth person whom has always replies 99.9% positively was also in this case my “dealer”. While one of the individuals in my list I texted for more comedic reasons than actual hope, for I’d have my doubts that they would come even if I was on fire!