Now like myself I’m sure you’ve all smoked with different groups of people & so you’ll understand that there are many smoking norms, which are unspoken yet mutually understood by everybody. So you’ve gone four ways on some good shittttt, sounds alright!! … you all went down there and picked it up as a group, you had laughs, it was great for ultimately you knew inside you would be SMOKING some FIINNEE SHITTT later on…it was missions but you all did it..TOGETHER!!!! it was like an Indiana Jones style adventure, and you got the Jewels -HIGH 5 PEOPLE!!! —> FAST FORWARD… OKAY so you’re all smoking, but something just isn’t right…for the spliff doesn’t seem to have the same qualities of a boomerang, i.e. it’s just not coming back round!! SHAPAAAAZOOO you have bottleneck
among you!!! Now what this means is, somewhere along the line somebody just isn’t passing the joint, instead s/he’s taking masssive drags to the point where the spliff’s own structural integrity is now under threat and this person is just pretty much smoking that joint like it’s their own personal cigarette! … now added to this everybody is being ultra polite about it and not saying anything, cos in fear of sounding like a junkie! “HURRY MAN, i waNT mY FUCKKKINGGG wEEdDD man, huRrRAY before i dieee” so people let it go INITIALLY! The bottleneck dude shamelessly believes he’s got away with it and hence on the second rotation does the same again! This time somebody says something…
“dude, hurry up with that spliff man!” there’s immediate relief among the group, phew somebody said it before I was gonna..the bottlenecker has been EXPOSED!!! he looks back confused and blissfully unaware of this accusation??? …so on realising his game is up, takes a FINAL ENORMOUS JAW BREAKING DRAG, ALMOST SUCKING THE AIR OUT OF the ROOM!!!! People grabbing onto anything they can find, as to ensure they dont get sucked off their chair into the abyss!! ….he passes the spliff on. “sorry didn’t realise” he quietly mutters. It’s alright he’s SORRY HE DIDNT REALISE!!!! 😀 Now inevitably this isn’t true for when there is a bottlenecker among your group, every person there is silently aware of what’s going on and what they’re doing… again too polite to mention anything in fear of looking too desperate, plus HEYYY you’re all probably “high” as well!
Now most of the time, the bottlenecker will resume back to normal smoking behaviour for quite possibly it’s true,…i.e. it could have been an accidental breaking of smoking norms, HEY we’re ALL FUCKING HIGH afterall!!! whatever.. ABSOLUTELY, this is very plausible … Now its truly here at this point, which category the individual falls into. For we accept smoking etiquette is unspoken and difficult to gauge sometimes however the following occurs…. the individual who’d originally been called up on SPLIFF HOGGING, STUBBORNLY DEFIES and does it again!!
SPLIFF DELAYING TACTIC Number 18: THE 20th CENTURY FOX METHOD
However this time they’ve improved upon there initially efforts and attempt to distract the group with a very animated story, worthy of a 20th Century Fox sponsorship engrossing the audience just enough to keep the crowd from noticing the spliff clock upon them! This doesn’t actually work either for the individual has forgotten that however great and wonderful their 20th Century Fox Production story about what happened the other day may be, … somebody is still next in line to smoke the weed that they’ve rightfully paid for….. Now don’t get me wrong spliff delaying tactics can indeed work, but ultimately the spliff hogger/bottlenecker won’t know when to stop, and will keep doing it, till it’s mind-numbingly obvious what they’re doing… STOP IT!! YOU look stupid man, can’t you see this? but does he really care?? ….probably not as lets not forget getting high is one of the best methods of ignoring denial!! and thus the pattern will repeat probably on another evening / another time … This type of behaviour is very worrying for the underlying reasons why a person would go to such extremes tends to point to massively increased dependencies on the drug, and really should be the green light sign to quit smoking for that individual for it’s making them act, and behaviour in an antisocial and openly transparent despicable way.
Things to look out for…
When 8 of the 9 group members mutually decide, “Hey guys, lets 2 puff pass on this spliff !”
ALERT!!! ALERT !!! ALERT !!! BEWARE there’s A SPLIFF HOGGING BOTTLENECKING BASTARD among you!!
NOTE: I’ve just added Bottlenecker to Urban dictionary!!! I wonder if it possible to make this terminology popular!!